


Since Forever

by shua_hui



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Spinoff, Threeshot, i say the word freaking a lot, idk man, it's the junhao spinoff from are you sure, jun has feelings, minghao doesnt really know what hes doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6335527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shua_hui/pseuds/shua_hui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jun spends his days trying to pretend he doesn't yearn for Minghao. It doesn't work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Mingyu, you ready yet? We're all waiting," Soonyoung's voice calls out as he yawns, and Jun feels the side of the bed push against his back as the blonde boy rolls his weight across the mattress.

The guys are all getting ready for Seungcheol's birthday party, and everyone but Mingyu is already done. He's trying to impress one of their new friends, and Jun would usually be pretty interested in things like this, but not right now.

Unfortunately, he's a little too preoccupied by the fact that Minghao's sitting cross legged next to him, and their _knees_ are touching, and Jun wonders if it's obvious to the younger boy, because it sure is obvious to him.

It's almost like the only thing he feels right now is his right knee, and he's trying not to move it because Minghao's touch is the best thing that's happened all week. But it's painfully evident, and he's almost twitching from the heat he feels.

"I'm only trying to look good," he hears Mingyu protest, and he tunes into the conversation as an attempt to distract himself from Xu _freaking_ Minghao.

"Why, so you can look good for your _boyfriend_ , Wonwoo?" He teases, and suppresses a proud smile when he glances at Minghao to see him chuckling at the comment.

As Minghao turns away to deliver his own teasing remark, Jun instinctively uses the chance to stare at the younger boy, admiring his soft blonde locks and the way his black shirt is taut on his upper body.

Before Jun even realises it, he's running his hand through Minghao's hair, alarming the boy suddenly. "Your hair looks nice today," he comments casually, scrunching at the fringe and trying to play off the awkwardness he feels.

"Yeah, I spent ages on it, so stop messing it up," Minghao scowls, pushing Jun's fingers away.

He scoffs, secretly glad that the blonde didn't find the random gesture weird, "you're so rude." Jun wraps his arm around Minghao's neck, putting him in a playful headlock. "Learn some manners, would you!"

The way Minghao's trying to writhe out of his grip sends them both tumbling to the floor, and the younger lets out struggled grunts. "Hyung! Let go," he exclaims, holding in his laughter and blindly grabbing at Jun's arm.

It's sudden and fleeting, but every touch sears into Jun's body, burning him up into dust and longing. God, how much Jun wants to just wrap both arms around Minghao's waist and lay there in the warmth until the moon replaces the sun, and he's whispering sweet nothings into his ear. But he can't, and it kills him so he simply lets go reluctantly and sits up, pretending that it's not the weirdest thing to get lost in his own world filled with such unreasonable fantasies all the freaking time.

Before either of them can say anything, Mingyu's voice announces he's ready to leave and the guys all get up from their spots, sighing 'finally'.

"Come on Minghao, how long are you gonna lay there?" Jun laughs, offering a hand to pull him up, as he stands up, brushing off the dust from his jeans.

Minghao stands up on his own, ignoring his hyung's hand. "My hair looks awful now, thanks a lot." He grumbles, his fingers reaching up to tweak the messy strands on his head.

"Always happy to help," Jun grins, retracting his hand and sauntering off. Minghao kicks the back of his leg.

 

 

"Hey guys!" Jun swears that Seungkwan's voice is louder than the heavy beats of the music and he mentally cringes.

Once again, he's too distracted by a certain boy to let himself fall into the trance of the party scene. There are people swimming through the crowds, and the scent of alcohol hangs heavily in the thick air. Helplessly, his eyes follow Minghao who's already wandering up the stairs and exchanging casual greetings with people Jun doesn't recognise.

Tearing his attention away, Jun spots Mingyu checking Wonwoo out. God, could the boy be any more obvious? He may as well just scream stanzas of love poems at Wonwoo, and no one would find that shocking.

Mingyu awkwardly makes an exit, and Jun jumps at the chance to follow and tell the taller boy _not_ to stare like a lost child next time.

"So... why are you really avoiding Wonwoo?" He questions, curiousity seeping from his words. After all, a little gossip might take his mind off of his own predicament. It might not sound that bad, liking a friend. But it really is, especially if you grew up together, and if that guy sees you as a brother, and if that guy likes girls.

Jun throws his thoughts away and carries on listening to Mingyu complain about how amazing and attractive his crush is. Whatever. Wonwoo's hot, but he's not as cute as Minghao. Suddenly, something Mingyu says sparks an interest in Jun: a deal he made with Wonwoo.

So Mingyu's technically not allowed to make a move on Wonwoo. But the solution is simple.

"Make him jealous? No way." Mingyu's mouth is hanging open after listening to Jun's idea, but the older boy can feel the eagerness jumping in his voice.

They agree (or rather, Mingyu hurriedly decides) that dancing in Wonwoo's face might just work, just as Jun spots Minghao making his way back down the stairs again, accompanied by a mixed group of guys and girls. They're all screeching in laughter, beer sloshing and spilling from glass bottles. Jun's eyes dart the other way, not wanting to feel the jealousy course through his throbbing veins.

In a flash, Mingyu is already heading for the crowd, and Jun quickly slips through masses of people to catch up. _Someone's enthusiastic_ , Jun snorts quietly to himself.

"This is gonna be so weird," he barely hears Mingyu muttering under his breath, and he lets out a chuckle. No shit.

Jun presses his back against Mingyu's body and they move in rhythm to the music, sweating and panting from the proximity of each other and the rest of the crowd. An arm snakes around Jun's torso, causing him to suck in a sudden breath of air.

Mingyu starts to trail a series of soft kisses down Jun's neck and eventually bites a delicate spot. Breathless, Jun mutters out words he doesn't even think through first; his mind is suddenly and constantly drowning in other thoughts. If he grabs Mingyu now and kisses him till their mouths are rough and dry, would all his pain and love for Minghao fly away and finally set him free? Of course not, what a shitty idea that was.

But when Mingyu makes a comment about how he'd be able to make out with him if he shut his eyes close, Jun smirks and turns himself around. He uses his right arm to bring Mingyu closer by the neck, until their lips are just slightly brushing against each other.

"I can feel you've been working out," Mingyu remarks, genuinely impressed, which brings Jun to the realisation that their bodies are pressed against each other. Lust conquers Jun's entire being, and he's ready to take Mingyu by the hand and drag him somewhere else. Somewhere he can fall and crash into Mingyu's arms and heal the aching inside of him, or at least forget it for one night.

Just as he's about to try and pull Mingyu away, his eyes skim through the room, and he regrets the action immdiately. Because standing in the corner, watching them, is Xu Minghao. He's a little too far away for Jun to make out his expression, but there's no doubt that his eyes are fixed permanently on the pair.

He gulps, a heavy wave of guilt washing over his entire being. Panicked, Jun throws a few words out of his mouth to convince Mingyu to leave, and before he knows it, they're hurrying up the stairs, far away from Minghao.

When they make it up to the second floor, Jun randomly ushers his friend to a group of guys as they pass Soonyoung who throws them a grin.

There's flirtatious laughter and not so discreet glances, but Jun doesn't pay attention to any of them. He pulls out his phone to show that he's not interested, but a persistent voice interrupts him anyway.

"Hey, you're Wen Junhui, right?" A pair of friendly eyes are staring brightly at him with interest, and Jun simply nods. He's too tired and sad and just _overwhelmed_ to be talking to anyone right now. "I'm Seokjin. But just call me Jin."

He nods at the stranger, eyes lingering a second longer on his full lips and slips his phone away. People like this are simple, he doesn't even need to say a word and they can entertain themselves; Jun just needs to pretend to pay attention. It'll only take ten minutes for him to let Jun drag him away. After all, what better way to forget a person than by using other people?

Jun's not sure how many minutes has gone by, but his patience is wearing thin. The Seokjin guy just keeps rambling and isn't making any moves, so Jun is about to take matters into his own hands when sudden gasps followed by uproarious cheering is heard from behind him.

He whips his head round in interest and raises an eyebrow when he spots Wonwoo pushing Mingyu up against a wall, and he literally has to blink a couple of times to make sure his mind's not playing up. Is that seriously _Jeon Wonwoo_ shoving his tongue into _Mingyu_? Jun's almost sure his eyeballs are gonna roll out of his head and onto the floor in shock. So the plan really worked?

It's not like he'd been feeding Mingyu lies, but he didn't expect it to work on someone like Wonwoo. _Jesus, could they get a room?_ Romance is supposed to be dead, and this resurrection of the long lost concept isn't exactly helping Jun's mood.

Then again, there's nothing much romantic about smashing your face on to someone else's amidst a crowd of drunk, sweaty teenagers. Somehow though, Jun has a feeling it's going to turn into something more, and that instinct makes his insides twist and sink with jealousy.

"Oh my god," a heavy hand grabs his shoulder, and Jun turns to see Seokmin's face exploding in laughter. Jun fakes a laugh as he carries on watching the sloppy kiss in front of him. If there's anything Jun's good at, it's hiding his feelings. How? He doesn't really know, sometimes he just gets caught up with other people's lives and it happens like magic.

This time, he lets himself slip into the dizzy atmosphere as his laughter consumes himself and suddenly, he's lost himself. But he loves it, because he's no longer desperate for answers, or closure, or some form of reciprocation for his fucking feelings.

"Junhui, right?" A voice from under the loud music harshly thrusts him back into reality.

He turns to see an unfamiliar face and raises an eyebrow, "yes?"

"You're friends with Xu Minghao aren't you? He's really drunk and I think someone needs to take him home." The brunette standing in front of him looks genuinely concerned, and Jun nods, both frustration and concern washing over him. Just as he was beginning to let go of the pain, it's as if someone's grubby heartless hands suddenly grabbed him by the wrists and ripped him away from an ocean of false paradise.

Jun's feet leap down several steps at a time, as he almost topples down the stairs to find Minghao.

After smashing through a crowd of clammy bodies and shrieking girls, Jun finds the blonde boy laying against a corner of the kitchen with his jeans damp from the puddles of spilt alcohol. Sighing in relief, Jun makes his way over, blinking his slightly blurry vision away.

"Minghao," he starts gently, lending a hand out. The younger boy just looks up blankly with wide eyes, dazed for a few seconds.

"Oh, hyung!" His face bursts into a look of recognition, "Jun hyung," he repeats, dragging on the end of the word. Minghao reaches forward and ignores Jun's hand, instead choosing to wrap both arms around the older boy's torso.

It's pretty awkward really, Jun's just standing in the corner of Seungcheol's kitchen, and Minghao's on his knees, upper limbs climbing Jun's body while pressing a silly grin against his torso. Minghao's grabby when he's drunk, and Jun knows all too well it's not a good time to be distracted, so he slides two hands around Minghao's chest and thrusts him up on his feet.

"We should get home, you're drunk." Jun manages to say calmly and responsibly, even though he's feeling pretty disorientated himself from the drinks.

"Hyung," he hears Minghao moan as he throws the boy on to his back and carries him out front. Gulping, Jun ignores the stirring desire he feels from inside him. Why, oh why is the world testing him?

"Jun!" A voice calls out, and he turns to see Soonyoung dragging a drunk Mingyu across the lawn. "You taking Minghao home?" Jun nods tiredly. "We should go together, this one's so close to passing out it's crazy."

Jun manages a tiny chuckle, "isn't he supposed to be with Wonwoo?"

"Eh, he ran off. You know how closet kids are," Soonyoung jokes. "Mingyu must be so heart broken though," he adds as an afterthought.

The two of them manage to haul Minghao and Mingyu into Soonyoung's car, and Jun gets into the passenger seat, rolling his shoulders as relief from the knots and pain of carrying a grown ass boy on his back.

"You sure you can drive?" Jun asks; he knows Soonyoung's had a few drinks too.

"Sure I can," Soonyoung grins, "I drink in moderation if I know I need to use my car. You should know that already, Jun." He catches Jun's smile before he starts the engine, "okay I'll drop you off with Minghao at his house and then I'll throw Mingyu into his apartment for his dad before I finally get home then?"

"Sounds like a plan."

 

 

Unfortunately, Minghao's place isn't far from Seungcheol's, so Jun doesn't even have time to take a proper nap. Instead, he's in the drifty stage of slipping in and out of consciousness when the car screeches to a sudden stop, causing him to slam his head against the back of the passenger seat and awaken in shock.

"Okay kids get out, it's almost three am and I got more trips to make," Soonyoung calls out in a slightly snappy tone. Blinking the bluriness away from his eyes, Jun kicks the car door open and gets out, before dragging Minghao out by grabbing both of his hands.

"Later," Jun mutters, as Minghao flops against his shoulder, preventing him from walking relatively straight. He hears Soonyoung's car drive off as they reach the door to Minghao's apartment complex.

The security guard doesn't even question Jun when he throws Minghao over his shoulder and steps into the elevator. He's been round to see Minghao so often, he's practically a resident.

Minghao's parents work abroad in China, so he's always alone at home, and Jun realises now that he needs to find the key. "Minghao, where're your keys?" He grumbles, voice thick and tired.

The younger boy only hums in reply, and Jun rolls his eyes. "This kid, seriously..." He mumbles under his breath. "Minghao, your keys." Jun repeats, both his patience and energy wearing thin.

Receiving no reply, Jun bravely digs his hand into Minghao's back jean pocket, trying not to enjoy the intimacy too much.

"Oh, hyung!" Minghao jerks upwards in surprise at the contact, and then slumps into Jun's arms, face nuzzling into the older boy's neck. Jun's cheeks turn warm and fuzzy as his grip on Minghao's elbow tightens.

Ignoring the softness of Minghao's hair against his neck, Jun pulls his hand out and reaches into the other back pocket. Nothing again. "Hyung," Minghao mumbles, arms making their way around Jun's waist.

Jun silently sucks in a breath, and as he looks up he spots one of Minghao's neighbours throwing them a dirty look before stumbling into his own house. _Whatever, asshole._ Turning his attention away, he comes to the realisation that Xu Minghao is fucking embracing him and exhilaration surges from his heart to his stomach and all over his body until it catches in his throat and steals his breath away.

Sure, they'd hugged casually before, but this time, it's different. Minghao's arms are tight and warm and clutching Jun like he needs him the way Jun has always needed Minghao. The younger boy's fingers are climbing Jun's back towards his neck, and Jun's not really sure what's about to happen before he decides to harshly push Minghao away.

"I um, I need your keys, Minghao." He's seriously flustered, but Minghao can't tell in his drunken state anyway.

Shrugging, Minghao doesn't reply. Jun sighs, and reaches into Minghao's front jean pocket, his hand fighting through crumpled pieces of paper and loose change. "Hyung," he slurs thickly before resting his head against Jun's chest.

Jun gulps and finally fishes out the boy's keys, sighing in relief as he jabs it into the lock and turns, thankful for the familiar click of an unlocking door. "Come on," he sighs, dragging Minghao into the house.

Throwing the boy's arm over his shoulder, Jun hauls them both up the stairs with great effort, but not before tossing the house keys into a tiny basket sitting on a tall wooden shelf by the door.

He kicks open the door to Minghao's bedroom and hurls him onto the bed, letting out a breath as he rolls his shoulders back to release the tension in his muscles. "Hyung," Minghao mumbles again, gazing up at the older boy with half-lidded eyes. "I'm cold," he whines.

Jun ignores the urge the cuddle Minghao right there and instead rubs his eyes in exhaustion before climbing over the mattress to pull the bed covers over Minghao's shivering body. He's got one knee on the side of the bed and his other leg is stationed on the floor, but before he knows it, an arm snakes around his waist and pulls him down towards the overwhelming warmth that is cotton blankets and Xu Minghao.

Realising that he's on top of Minghao makes Jun have to suck in his breath. So when Minghao stops him from trying to clamber off his body, Jun's not entirely sure how to react. He just hovers above Minghao, knees digging into the mattress on either side of his hips. Minghao's got a hand tightly gripping Jun's wrist to stop him from leaving.

"Minghao," he tries to shake his grip away, but to no avail.

It all happens in a flash, but Minghao pulls Jun's face down to his and without wasting a second, their lips crash together. 

Minghao's lips are heavy, sloppy, demanding, but Jun doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all. In fact, his mind is still whirring, still trying to process what the fuck is actually going on. Nope, his mind is still drowning in confusion, and he lets it.

Naturally, Jun begins to relax into Minghao's arms and kiss the boy back. He harshly bites Minghao's lower lip and tugs on it, at the same time feeling ever so guilty because Minghao's drunk as hell and probably has no idea what's going on. He probably thinks Jun is some fucking girl. 

At least that's what he assumes, until Minghao sleepily whispers "Jun hyung," into their kiss. 

He freezes on the spot, flames of ice consuming his body. He's all hot and cold, filled with desire and brimming with confusion and pain. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Does Minghao know what's happening?

Unfortunately, Jun's mind isn't all that capable of processing such thoughts when he feels Minghao slip his tongue in. He squeezes his eyes shut and runs a hand through the younger boy's hair, tugging on it to bring his head closer. 

Minghao's tongue in his mouth is abstract and foreign, the most fantastical thing Jun has by far ever felt. He groans, and Minghao slips his hand under his shirt, fingers lingering on Jun's torso. It makes Jun's insides twist and turn; his heart goes a million miles per hour.

Jun pulls back from Minghao's lips and begins to suck on his neck, teeth nipping and scraping the hot skin. "Hyung," Minghao groans breathlessly, sending tremors through Jun's body.

Careful not to leave any obvious marks on the boy's skin, Jun returns to Minghao's lips, rough and impatient, especially when he feels Minghao's urgent hands tugging his shirt up and climbing his upper body.

Despite the uncertainty boiling inside of him because Minghao's basically half unconscious, he lets the boy throw his shirt off. Shivers run down his back from both the autumn chill and Minghao's touch.

His eyes are shut tight, and he's entirely bewildered when he feels tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. Jun realises that he's on the verge of crying and screaming at both the absurdity and absolute bliss of the situation.

"Minghao," Jun pants out as he breaks away to catch his breath. "You don't know what you're doing." In contrast to his brightly flashing mind, Jun's eyes are fuzzy and the lids won't stop coming down. Jun wipes the wetness away from his vision, smearing teardrops across his eyelashes. He just wants to nuzzle into Minghao's neck and lie in the fluffy warmth; that's all he could ever ask for.

The younger boy stares up at him, eyes wide and innocent for a moment, face illuminated by the moonlight seeping through a gap in the curtains. The sight makes Jun forget how to breathe. "Jun hyung," he whispers, voice barely audible, a sweet smile hanging from his lips.

Jun feels the strangest urge to collapse right then and there, or at least rip out what people call _feelings_ from inside his throbbing heart. Every second that passes joins together what feels like constellations in his chest, and it's awful in the most bizarre way because somehow he doesn't hate it.

_Leave. Just leave, Wen Junhui._ He tells himself, eyes unable to leave Minghao's.

Unfortunately, Jun's not one to listen to himself, so it's not surprising when he slides under the blanket and cradles Minghao's body in his, bringing the boy's head to his chest. By this time, Minghao's eyes are already closed and he's breathing peacefully and steadily.

With Minghao's soft lips being his last thought, Jun lets himself drift off.

 

 

It's barely morning when Jun awakes, his eyes reluctant to open because of the white light streaming through the windows. The first thing he realises is that Minghao's still sleeping in his arms, cuddled close to his bare chest.

Jun smiles gently at the sight, before sitting up, the soft ruffling of the cotton sheets being the only sound in the room. The time reads 5:13 am on Minghao's digital clock and Jun runs both hands through his face and hair, taking a deep breath.

"What the hell did I do," he mumbles under his breath, digging around for his shirt. Minghao stirs from the movement, but Jun eventually finds it discarded at the end of the bed and hurriedly throws it on.

Being such close friends, it's not exactly unusual for them to share a bed. They practically grew up together. They played video games, got drunk, shared secrets, and fought all the time, but making out half naked on Minghao's bed has never been part of the routine. Not that Jun exactly minds it.

Sighing heavily, Jun reluctantly climbs out of the bed and stumbles to the door, eyes lingering on Minghao's peaceful sleeping figure as his fingers twist around the metal door handle. He pulls the door open, but somehow his feet can't seem to move.

Minghao's laying there in his black shirt and unruly hair, unaware and blissful. Jun wishes he was back in that bed, laying next to him. But he's not, and he can't be, so he tears his longing gaze away and leaves, shutting the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jun wanders down the main corridor towards his locker while fighting a raging headache and swallowing down his overflowing apprehension. He hadn't gotten any sleep since leaving Minghao's, he just couldn't. And now he's dawdling round school trying to avoid Minghao, yet at the same time, trying to run into him. This of course, makes absolutely no sense, but nothing in the past twenty four hours has made any sense at all anyway.

"Hey, there you are!" The exhausted voice comes with an arm swinging round his shoulders, "I ended up getting like only four hours of sleep, I can't even open my eyes," Soonyoung groans as he slumps his weight onto Jun.

Jun gives the boy a half hearted chuckle and shakes him off by jerking his shoulder up. "You seen Minghao?"

Rubbing both eyes, Soonyoung grumbles in thought, "um, no, I don't think so. Why?"

"Just wondering." Jun's steps slow to a stop and he turns to face Soonyoung, grabbing his right arm, "hey, could you do me a favour?"

"Hmm? Sure, what is it?" Soonyoung replies with a yawn, both hands flying up to cover his mouth.

Jun swallows, "could you... _not_ mention to Minghao that I took him home? Like, just tell him that you dropped him off at his place, yeah?" The older boy studies Jun: his knitted eyebrows, his weary yet earnest eyes, and the persistent biting against his lower lip.

After a pause, he finally answers, "yeah, course." Soonyoung's curiosity flares the more he thinks, but everything about Jun today tells him he shouldn't push it. Wen Junhui isn't the type of guy to show his emotions; this is one of the only times Soonyoung's actually seen the heart behind the mask and he knows it like an instinct not to ask questions.

"Hey, speak of the devil," Soonyoung mutters as he turns to see Minghao by his locker.

Jun feels his heart lurch violently, as his feet move robotically, each step he takes forward feels wobbly and uncertain. Minghao smiles weakly when he sees them approaching, but before either of the pair can say anything, Minghao speaks up first, "hey, guys. Who, um- who took me home last night?"

Soonyoung briefly glances up at Jun, who doesn't say anything, and then turns to give Minghao a cheery smile, "I did!" Minghao's mouth parts and he throws his head up softly in acknowledgement. "I had to haul both yours' _and_ Mingyu's asses back home, I'm so freaking tired," he finishes with a groan. "Why?" He then adds, unable to restrain the growing curiosity.

"Oh, I just- Um, yeah my head's been so messy since I woke up this morning. I just wanted to make sense of everything that's happened, I don't- I don't really remember. Everything feels like a dream, and yeah... I just, yeah." Minghao's words all run into each other and he laughs at himself.

Jun listens, and notes that Minghao has refused to make eye contact with him. "Guys, I'm gonna go head to my music theory class, so uh later," Jun mutters, pupils darting between the two boys, unwilling to let them land on Minghao for more than a second.

He hurriedly turns to go, not wanting Minghao to call after him, or follow him. Thankfully, he doesn't.

 

"Hey," Jun mumbles as he slumps into the seat next to Jisoo, forehead hitting the desk almost immediately. Jisoo lifts both his attention and his fingers away from his guitar. _Why is he taking that thing to a theory class anyway_ , the thought passes through Jun's head before he goes back to wallowing in self pity.

Jisoo gives him the usual angelic smile, "hey Jun. You okay?" Head still laying flat on the desk, Jun only grumbles as a response. It's early, and the only students in the classroom are him, Jisoo, two girls who can't sing but are screeching shamelessly nonetheless, and some kid with green hair who probably vapes and eats his lunch in the toilet.

"You can talk to me, you know." Jisoo's voice is gentle and warm like always, and Jun smiles slightly against the table. But he's not ready to talk about it. He doesn't know when he'll be able to confide in someone, maybe tomorrow, maybe never.

Jun sits up, runs a hand through his hair and gives Jisoo a brief smile, "I'm fine. Thanks though hyung."

There's a slight awkwardness between them when the silence lasts more than a few seconds, but thankfully, Hansol walks in before either of them have to find a new conversation opener.

"Hey guys," Hansol flashes them a toothy grin and sits on the other side of Jisoo.

Jun doesn't mean to ignore them or whatever, but he turns his head to the side and zones out of their conversation. His mind is drowning and his heart is heavy from all the things he keeps inside. He just wants to _tell_ someone. But he knows better.

_Does Minghao know? Or does he think it's a dream? Minghao can be clueless like that, but maybe he knows and is just pretending not to know, because that would be so much easier on both of them. But is it really easier like this?_ Jun's never wanted so bad to be honest until now. He can almost taste the words on his tongue, his secret, his confession: he wishes it could all evaporate away.

 

 

Weeks pass. The burden he's been carrying for years weighs him down more and more every day. Jun doesn't really know how, but he's survived seeing Minghao every day, he's formed some crazy bond with Wonwoo (after screwing a few things up between him and Mingyu, but hey, the two are together now so what does it really matter), he's been surprisingly intolerant to an old friend, and most of all? Everything hurts.

This sucks, Jun thinks as he lugs himself to the changing rooms. It's sports class, and it's not like Jun minds tossing a ball around, running a few laps and kicking some people in the shins, but what he does mind is that Xu Minghao is in his class.

He kicks the door open and nods at a few of his classmates, ignoring the crazy shouting from a particularly disruptive crowd in the corner of the room. The stench of sweat hangs in the air, and it makes Jun want to gag, especially when paired with the sickly warmth shrouding the atmosphere.

Spotting Wonwoo and Minghao, he presses the 'off' switch on his emotions and makes his way over, the usual grin appearing on his lips automatically. "Hey guys."

"Jun hyung," Minghao greets as he throws a shirt and other garments out of his black duffel bag. "Your kit," he shoves them to Jun's chest faster than he can grab them and then smacks a pair of trainers against the older boy's face.

"Ow, Minghao, that freaking hurts," Jun whines as Wonwoo moves further to the left so that there's space for Jun in the middle. Minghao smirks to himself in satisfaction, and Jun jabs him with his right elbow.

Wonwoo throws his blazer off and starts undoing his tie, "why does Minghao carry your kit with his anyway?"

"Cause this idiot never remembers to bring his kit on the right days and I don't let him leave it in his locker cause then it'll be unwashed and it'll stink more than his feet," Minghao answers, jokingly giving Jun a scornful look, "so gross."

Jun shakes his head and ignores Minghao, fingers working on pulling his shoes and socks off. His eyes inadvertently land on Wonwoo, whose fingers are fiddling with his shirt buttons, creating a popping sound with each one undone.

"Oooh, yeah Wonwoo, take your shirt off," Jun teases before Wonwoo looks up from his shirt and gives Jun the most _deadpan_ look and then proceeds to kicks him in the left leg, sending him toppling into Minghao.

Jun can't even register what's happened before he feels Minghao shove him away violently. He blinks and straightens himself up before realising he's looking down at a pissed Minghao whose landed on the floor with both arms pushed back, palms flat on the ground, a leg with the knee up and the other laying straight on the floor.

Honestly, Jun thinks he looks like some goddamn supermodel with the most illegal smoulder in his eyes. Except he's not, because he's Xu Minghao, his best childhood friend, and the only look in his eyes is a glare and _holy fucking shit_ his shirt buttons are all undone and his bare torso is on display! Jun swears he is in physical pain from having to keep his jaw in place and knowing that he has to tear his eyes away from... that.

Minghao's grunt snaps Jun back to reality, "wow, thanks a lot guys. And what was that for?" He dusts himself off as he gets up, throwing his school shirt off and digging around his bag for his sports one.

Jun closes his gaping mouth and then scowls at Wonwoo, "yeah, what was that for, Wonwoo? Why you gotta be so rude all the time?" By this time, Wonwoo is already tying his laces, and he only scoffs in amusement.

_God, why is it taking him so freaking long to put a shirt on?_ Jun's eyes linger on Minghao's curved back as he rummages through the bag. "What do you even have in there, Minghao? Narnia?"

"Oh, you know. Just knives, rope, duct tape, the usual." Minghao says casually as he _finally_ throws a white shirt on.

Jun forces himself not to stare any longer, and instead finally begins to get dressed himself. "Wow, Minghao. Didn't know you were into that kinda stuff." Minghao gives him a look of disgust. "Cute in the streets, freaky in the sheets huh?"

"Okay, I will slap you. And I am not cute!" Minghao exclaims, while Wonwoo just sits there on the bench, amused and waiting for the pair to be done. "And definitely not freaky..." He adds a little quieter at the end, eyes darting around to see if anyone else has heard Jun and his crazy mouth.

Pulling his leg up onto the bench to do his laces, Jun gives Minghao a serious look. "Okay, maybe cute is debatable seeing how you're psychotically violent most of the time. But being your best friend for years, I would not be surprised if you were a bit... _experimental_ with your night life," Jun's voice drops to a cheeky whisper, eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

Minghao's face is one of disbelief, before he bites back, "well wouldn't _you_ like to find out?"

Even Wonwoo's mouth drops at that comment, and Jun is caught off guard for a second, his mind flashing back to the night of Seungcheol hyung's party. His face flushes warm, before he composes himself again. "Well," he leans in closer to Minghao, voice low and almost inaudible, "maybe I would," his gaze is burning and he unconsciously bites his lips when he feels Minghao shiver slightly.

Seeing the blush on Minghao's face, Jun wonders if his mind's also filled with thoughts of that night, whether it be a memory, a hallucination or a dream to the boy.

"Okay, I'm going," Wonwoo interrupts blankly, getting up to go.

And _that's_ when Minghao kicks Jun harsh in the stomach, causing him to howl in pain. "Ow, Minghao seriously! That really hurt," he grips his stomach and hobbles after the boy, who's already making his way to the door, ready to leave.

Jun drapes an arm around Minghao once he catches up, leaning onto him and groaning, "I can't walk, Minghao." The younger boy just shakes his head in reply and then shrugs Jun off.

 

 

When sports class ends, Jun tries his best to avoid even just _glancing_ at Minghao in the changing rooms, because he swears his self control is running out fast. He finishes changing first and makes a dash out of the changing rooms, making an excuse that his history classroom is on the other side of the building. That's true, except he's not going to history class.

Jun takes languid steps across the school field as he lets his emotions engulf him. Everything hits him all at once, like a wave crashing over him and into him until he bleeds grey paint all over the wet mossy grass. This is his whole world: grey.

Throwing his messenger bag down on the damp muddy ground, he lays down with his head supported by the brown leather. The air is frighteningly cold, but he doesn't mind. It numbs the pain inside of him.

Jun plugs his earphones in, closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

He'd thought that as time passed, the feelings would subside. A lot of time has passed, but he just wants to embrace Minghao more and more. He'd thought that as life moved on and left him behind, the agonizing urge to set his confession free would also stop. It hasn't.

 

 

It's a particularly bitter morning the next day when Jun finds himself brooding against the trunk of a tree before class starts. Thankfully, it's not wet like yesterday, but the chilling winds are enough to keep everyone else huddled indoors.

Jun's relishing the quiet when a deep voice causes him to open his eyes, "I thought I'd find you here." He looks up to find Wonwoo staring down at him, face unreadable.

"Sorry for stealing your crying spot," Jun snickers, though the playful tone in his voice has been ripped away.

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and sets himself down next to the older boy, "I wasn't crying that day, asshole." Jun picks at the grass next to him, plucking out strand after strand and avoiding eye contact with Wonwoo before muttering a simple, 'whatever'.

"I heard you weren't in history class yesterday," Wonwoo continues, trying to pry a word or two out of Jun.

The boy pulls out an earphone, "not the first time." His pupils are still focused on the ground, and he notices that Wonwoo's shoulder is touching his, but it's comfortable and he doesn't move away.

"Oh, okay badass." Wonwoo remarks sarcastically, rolling his eyes. When Jun doesn't reply, he exhales with a little frustration, "look. Something's wrong, I can tell. The others have probably noticed too. So just say it, Jun. Because it freaking sucks to see you moping around like a dead person every day."

Wonwoo's turned to his side, determined to make eye contact with the older boy, who instead only brings his knees closer to himself and buries his head in gap between his knees.

"Hyung, I care, okay? You seriously helped me out last time, and I- I wanna do the same."

Rolling his eyes, Jun sighs, "I'm not gonna get all cathartic with you, Wonwoo."

"Not really here to give you a choice," Wonwoo doesn't wanna force Jun into anything, but he knows a boy like this isn't going to say anything without a little push.

Jun swallows, he wants to trust Wonwoo, he really does. But it's been so long since he's said a secret out loud, he _can't_. Once one person knows, it only takes a matter of days before the whole school soaks in the juicy information and spits it back at him like fire.

But it's Wonwoo, his mind reasons with him, and you haven't had a chance to let your feelings out in so goddamn long, Wen Junhui.

"I-" Jun doesn't know if he can actually say the words out loud, "I um," he finally glances up at Wonwoo, and sees that his eyes are warm, reassuring, melting in the kindness and trust that Jun has unconciously wanted for the longest time. "I kissed Minghao."

_Is that it?_ Wonwoo almost wants to blurt out, but he knows better than to belittle Jun's feelings. I mean, Wen Junhui has actual feelings, it took Wonwoo a while to get to grips with that concept, but it's real, raw, and right in front of him.

There's a silence for a good few seconds, and Wonwoo is left with the howling of the wind and a decision on whether to press further. Luckily, he doesn't have to choose, because Jun continues.

"I've had feelings for him for _years_ , Wonwoo. It feels like forever that I've been stuck with this _knife_ in my heart," Jun's face contorts from emotionless to a physical scream of pain and his fingers curl at his chest as his vision fades to a blurry mess.

"Jun-" Wonwoo's almost too stunned to speak; he's never seen Jun like this. Never seen an ounce of pain or sadness scrawled on his face. If you looked closely, it was there, every moment of every day, but hidden securely and carefully under a mask, a smile. Not this time.

The torment on his face is brutally honest, and Wonwoo feels his heart twist and ache for the older boy.

"That night, at Seungcheol hyung's party," Jun gulps audibly and blinks the moisture away at his eyes before continuing, "I took Minghao home cause he was so drunk, and then, I don't even know why, but he just, he just kissed me, Wonwoo." His voice speeds up, almost like it'd crack and disappear if the words didn't bleed out in time. "I thought maybe, he didn't know what was happening, but then he said my _name_ , Wonwoo." Jun lets out an exhausted sigh, "I left early in the morning before he woke up. I think he remembers but he doesn't know it's real, or _hell_ , maybe he knows. Maybe he's known everything this whole time and he's just being a cruel bastard about it, but-"

Jun's voice comes to an abrupt stop when he feels a hot tear burn down his freezing cheek. "How fucking embarrassing," he grumbles under his breath as he wipes it away with his blazer sleeve. Wonwoo watches, silent and patient. Everything about Jun's confession is clawing at his heart, and he wants to do _something_ , but he doesn't know what.

"I want to tell him, Wonwoo," Jun finishes with a desperate cry. "Tell me not to tell him, Wonwoo, please."

Wonwoo is honestly taken aback by this, "What? Jun, no, you should tell him," are the only words that manage to scramble out of his mouth.

"And then what?" Jun throws his head back, hitting it against the sturdy trunk of the tree, "ruin our friendship? My stupid feelings aren't worth years and years of friendship, Wonwoo. Why don't you get that?"

Wonwoo feels a sudden anger boiling inside of him, "Jun, you're in love with him. Why don't you get that?"

A genuine look of disbelief crosses Jun's broken face, "Love's bullshit. This is just a momentary delusion that's messing with my head. Some trashy mind trick I'm playing on myself out of boredom."

"Doesn't sound momentary to me, hyung." Jun doesn't say anything, and Wonwoo knows Jun knows he's right. "Look, you need to tell him, Jun. And if he doesn't feel the same way? Well then at least you got _closure_. If you don't, you'll never move on and you'll just be trapped behind a mask living in your hell hole of pain." Wonwoo's voice softens, "I don't want that for you, hyung. Please, don't you think it's time?"

"I tell him all the time," Jun mumbles, and Wonwoo offers a blunt look of perplexity. "Except, the words just come out as... 'hey wanna play games?' or, or... 'hey you done the homework yet?' Look," Jun continues when Wonwoo doesn't look any less confused. "Every single word I say to him is a confession," he breathes out, voice lifeless yet full of emotion.

Wonwoo nods, processing Jun's convoluted method of expressing his feelings, "then... tell him for real."

"I don't think the words can physically leave my mouth. And I really don't think I could handle Minghao giving me the friend zone talk." Jun covers his eyes with his hand and sighs deeply, "I can't. _I can't_ ," he stresses, kicking at the ground in front of him.

_What if he feels the same way?_ Wonwoo wants to suggest. He's seen them together, and judging by the smiles on their faces, Minghao doesn't look any less happy than Jun. But isn't it cruel to feed someone hope when he doesn't know anything for sure? Instead, Wonwoo simply slips an arm around Jun's shoulder supportively, "yes, you can. It doesn't matter when, but if you feel like you should do it, do it."

Jun glances at the reassuring hand resting on his shoulder, smiles bitterly and whispers, "okay."

 

 

When the pair head back into the school building, they spot the usual group crowded in the corridor. Taehyung's all touchy with Mingyu, Seungcheol's missing, and Minghao's looking painfully adorable as always. Jun looks over at Wonwoo to see him glaring poisoned daggers at Taehyung.

Jun feels Wonwoo detach his arm from around him and he slides in between Soonyoung and Chan, greeting them both weakly. Jun knows his smile has fallen off, but he's too worn out to re-attach his mask.

"Mingyu-ah, can we talk? In private?" And that's jealous Wonwoo in action again, conveniently activating a love struck Mingyu and a pissed off Taehyung.

It hardly matters to Jun though, because he can't take his eyes off Minghao, who, like everyone else, is way too busy watching the drama in front of them unfold to notice Jun's longing gaze (thankfully).

He's kinda zoned out of the conversation, but his ears are holding up enough to realise that Taehyung is being a complete dick, and he steps in before he can stop himself, "don't be an irritating shit, Taehyung."

Jun sees everyone's eyes widen at him, and words come out of Taehyung's mouth, but he doesn't listen and only walks off.

Unfortunately, Minghao being the oh so caring friend that he is, runs right after him. "Hyung! You okay?" The concern in his voice melts what's left of Jun's heart, and he can barely look Minghao in the eye when he nods.

"Are you sure?" Minghao doesn't take his eyes off of his hyung, unconvinced that he's his usual self. "You looked kinda down, I mean, like really depressed when you walked over with Wonwoo."

Jun feels a squeeze in his heart, "I'm fine, Minghao." He knows the younger boy well enough to sense the jealousy in his voice over the fact that Jun's clearly chosen to confide in Wonwoo rather than him, and he wants to take that uneasiness away but he can't do it without explaining, so he doesn't.

"Okay," Minghao sulks, clearly unconvinced, but his next words are delivered much more cheerfully. "So hyung, you know that girl I was telling you about? Tzuyu?"

Jun already doesn't like where this is going, "yeah? Chou Tzuyu right? What about her?" He tries so hard to sound casual, _so hard_ , but his voice wobbles at the end, and he mentally punches himself and hopes that Minghao did not notice.

"Yeah, her! Guess who has a date with her tonight?" Minghao jogs in front of Jun and turns around, taking backward steps to face Jun and give him the proudest grin. His eyes are glittering with excitement and Jun forces himself not to frown.

"Wow, that's great!" He breaks out into an even larger grin, but his heart is shattering inside him and no one knows because the mask he's wearing now is sealed so tight he can't even rip it off himself. "You've finally learnt how to get some girls, huh? I gotta say, I'm proud." Jun fakes the beaming expression on his face and wraps his arm sound Minghao's neck, playfully nuzzling the boy's fluffy blonde hair against his own neck.

"Ow, hyung!" Minghao violently kicks him away. 

Jun pulls the boy back towards himself by the arm and rests his chin on his shoulder, "so where are you guys going?"

"Carat cafe. It's that place a few streets down from the school entrance right in the corner. We're gonna have some coffee, get to know eachother, it'll be great!" Minghao's tone is still sickly hopeful and Jun ignores the twist in his guts.

 

_Carat cafe. What am I doing here?_ Jun sighs to himself, as he stands with his shoulders sunken by the door of the cafe. Through the tall glass windows, he can see a hopeful Minghao waiting anxiously by himself, his face genuine and innocent.

Chewing on his lip, Jun turns to go, but he stops in his tracks when he remembers Wonwoo's words, _if you feel like you should do it, do it._ Glancing back at Minghao once more, he pictures that girl sitting opposite him, mirroring Minghao's smile. He imagines them walking hand in hand down the school corridor, he imagines Minghao pressing his lips against hers', he imagines Minghao choosing her over him. Jun doesn't want to let that happen.

With one brave stride, he turns back and pulls the door open with all the courage he's had buried inside him his whole life. He sees Minghao look up with expectant eyes, and the look of confusion crossing his face when Jun marches over. His heart is pounding so loudly it drowns out the sound of the rest of the world. The chattering customers disappear, the sound of whirring coffee machines fade out and so does the warm and bitter smell of coffee beans. The sky vanishes, the sun vanishes, the whole universe vanishes. It's just him and Minghao, finally.

"Minghao, I-" He pauses, breathing hard to try and push his heart back down his throat, "don't." Just as he thought, the words aren't coming out right. _So fucking articulate, Junhui. Well done._

"Hyung, what's wrong?" Minghao stands up slowly, concerned for the older boy, whose complexion is turning a little pale. Jun's hand reaches for the chair in front of him, gripping it until his knuckles turn white.

He exhales deeply, "don't, don't date that girl." Jun's eyes dart down towards the wooden floor, and he can practically feel the bewilderment bursting from Minghao.

"What are you- Wait, hyung, you like her too?" Minghao's clueless accusation brings Jun's eyes straight back up.

"What?! That's crazy, Minghao, I just-" Again, it's like his confession is a language he doesn't speak. His tongue twists up, his palms are getting sweaty and he bites his lip in frustration. Jun looks into Minghao's patient eyes; his face is so full of innocence and bewilderment and beauty, and Jun knows he wants to tell him, that he shouldn't tell him, but most of all that he needs to tell him.

"What-" Minghao doesn't finish, because Jun's heart can't wait any longer.

"I'm in love with you." _Fuck._


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm in love with you."  _Fuck._  

Minghao's eyes are wide and glistening and his lower lip hangs loose. H onestly the only thought that Jun wants to process right now is that the boy standing in front of him looks like an adorable lost puppy. Not,  _fuck I've ruined our friendship for life,_ or even,  _why did you say love, you goddamn idiot?_

There's what feels like the loudest silence in the world, because although both him and Minghao are mute and frozen, Jun's heart is slamming horrendously loudly against his chest like it's trying to leave cause Jun's such a fool even his organs want to abandon him in embarrassment.

The younger boy chokes out the first word, "hyung," and Jun's not sure he wants to hear the rest but it's not like he has a choice, "I don't have time for your jokes. So not funny."

Minghao's face is blank and unamused and Jun wants to throw him across the room to wake him up. It's either that or stitch his own mouth up and move to Poland because hell, he never wants to feel such a burning uneasiness inside him ever again.

"I'm not kidding, Minghao," he takes a step closer, face still blazing but courage now soaring. It's not like he has anything left to lose. "I'm being serious right now."

Before Minghao can disagree, Jun raises his voice again, "yes, me, Wen Junhui who would probably rather eat glass than show my true feelings is being genuine right now. So appreciate it. Believe me when I say I'm in love with you, Minghao." There it is again, that word, love. Jun's never really believed in love, but if there was ever a time he should use the word, it would be now. It's never felt more right than now.

The younger boy visibly swallows, and can only manage to utter the words, "prove it."

Jun doesn't need to be told twice, he closes the gap between them with a single step and takes Minghao's left cheek with his hand. He sees the wild surprise spark in his eyes before leaning in and brushing his lips against Minghao's.

The flavour of coffee and sugar fills his senses, and Jun's lips press harder, eager to taste more. It's not until Jun pries open Minghao's mouth to deepen the kiss, that Minghao finally reacts, squirming underneath the taller boy. Jun holds Minghao still by the waist, and another hand grips harder at the back of his neck, despite the feeling of Minghao's palms pushing and pressing frantically against Jun's shoulders.

The thought that Minghao might actually be hating him for this puts an aching twist in Jun's guts, but still, he can't stop. He doesn't want to.

Minghao stumbles back as he attempts to wrench himself away from Jun, ignoring the fire igniting in both his cheeks and from deep inside him. His thoughts are a blur, because honestly nothing makes sense to him and his mind is blank apart from the irritating realisation that his dick of a best friend,  _Junhui_  is probably the best kisser in the world.

He hates the way Jun's lips are so passionate and desperate, and he hates it even more the way Jun fucking refuses to use his tongue, like he's _teasing_ Minghao to ask for it. But what Minghao hates the most is that he might actually like the feeling of having Jun's lips, hands, and touch all over his body. He hates it because it _freaking_ scares him. 

With a sudden harsh strength, Minghao shoves Jun off. There's adrenaline pumping through his veins, flowing and crackling like electricity under his skin. He whips the back of his hand towards his mouth, wiping it furiously. 

"What the f-" Jun doesn't let the younger boy finish, and instead reaches forward to embrace his stiff, shaking body. He sits his chin on Minghao's shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around his waist like he never wants to let go. Gradually, Minghao's body turns from tense to limp and Jun's so glad the boy isn't fighting back, because he really doesn't want to be physically rejected again. And most of all, there's no way he can look Minghao in the eye right now.

There's a silence, because neither of them have the right words to say, or any words for that matter.

"I'm for real," Jun mumbles softly against Minghao's shoulder, lips brushing against the material of his grey school blazer. Minghao's arms are hanging loose by his sides, unsure of what to do with them. After all, what would it mean if he hugged the older boy back?

"O-Okay," Minghao manages to mumble after a swallow. He notices all the customers staring at them, some rather rudely, and others with mild confusion and surprise. The whirring machines come back to life, the clanging of cutlery is apparent once again, and the scuttling cafe workers reappear. Their moment has melted away.

Minghao clears his throat, his hands fumbling and clawing at Jun's arms to try and tear them away, "people are staring, hyung." Jun is reluctant to release Minghao from his hold, but does so anyway. Their eyes meet for the first time since the kiss, and Minghao wishes the blush on his face would just vaporise; he wishes he could just vaporise. Jun however, stares bravely, his eyes holding sincerity and courage and Minghao swears he's never seen such a look on his best friend's face before. It's so completely foreign, almost like he's turned into a different person, and Minghao doesn't know how to feel about that.

"We should talk about this," Minghao mumbles, voice just above a whisper. He can still feel everyone's attention on them, and he hates it.

"I know," Jun answers without hesitation. He seems so calm and still, but honestly his insides feel like they're overflowing with panic and the blood is gushing round his body so fast his veins might just burst. "I'm sorry," he adds impulsively. It doesn't matter if Minghao doesn't return his feelings, he just doesn't want the younger boy to feel burdened.

Minghao turns his head away, eyes falling onto the ground, "not right now though. I need some time." Understanding that this is probably a major shock for the younger boy, Jun nods and takes a slight step back.

"Later then," Jun suggests, his voice low.

"Later."

 

 

"You did  _what_?!" Wonwoo chokes on the fry in his mouth, and not just because it's so hot and salty. After swallowing, he gives Jun a look of wide eyes and a slack jaw.

Jun hides his face in his hands, leaning forward towards his tray of food which has been untouched for the last ten minutes. He doesn't even care that Wonwoo's been hungrily eyeing his hamburger the whole time. "I told Minghao that I'm in love with him and then he wouldn't believe me so I kissed him and now we're still yet to talk about it."

Funky pop music from the restaurant speakers fill the silence between them as Wonwoo stares (not at the hamburger this time) blankly in disbelief at the older boy. "So..." Wonwoo begins, taking another large bite from his own hamburger, jaws chewing slowly and swallowing down the food as he mentally processes Jun's words. "When you called me out here for an emergency, it was actually an emergency?"

"What did you think I called you out for?" Jun's body relaxes for the first time as he gives Wonwoo a crooked smile of amusement.

"Well I thought your idea of an emergency would have been something like," Wonwoo pauses as he takes a sip of his bubbly soda in thought, "you wanted your jeans back?" He brings the tip of the straw back to his lips.

Jun crosses a leg over and leans back in his chair with an eyebrow quirked up high, "okay first off, who do you take me for?" He asks in monotone, then raises his voice, "and just so you know, I do want my jeans back so hurry and return them Wonwoo!"

"Just be thankful I actually came out here even when I thought that you only wanted me for trivial issues." Wonwoo replies smugly, mentally noting that Jun seems a lot more relaxed now.

Scoffing, Jun kicks Wonwoo in the shin, "you just wanted the free food."

Wonwoo coughs, wiping his sauce laced lips with a napkin. "Anyway, back to the more pressing issue... how did Minghao react to it all?" He leans forward with interest, locking his fingers together and setting his chin on top.

"Well like I said, he didn't believe me at first and when I kissed him he was kinda fighting me off," Wonwoo gives him a concerned look at this point, and Jun hurries with the rest of the story, "but then I hugged him and he just kinda stood there, but at least he didn't push me away! And then he said we should talk about it later. That's a good thing, right..?"

Wonwoo seems to be processing the whole story and contemplating what advice to give, but eventually he simply takes another drink from his soda cup and goes, "you know I'm really bad at these things right? Like giving advice on relationships and stuff."

"But what about that time you found me outside and told me all that cheesy stuff like, 'go confess your undying love to Minghao with roses and violets because they signify love and eternity otherwise imma smack you'?" Jun gives him a wide-eyed look, and Wonwoo literally has to roll his eyes like some cliche rebellious teenager who only speaks sarcasm.

Leaning back on his chair, Wonwoo folds his arms tightly, "okay first off, I never said anything about undying love. Secondly, I'm pretty sure violets don't signify eternity or whatever, not that I know any flower meanings. And thirdly, I never threatened to smack you. It went a little more like: you cried, I freaked out, got _slightly_ sentimental and gave you some advice."

"Yeah, that advice being: 'if you wanna tell him, tell him.' And that's what I did! And look what happened! Now I'm never going to talk to my best friend aka love of my life ever again," Jun whines dramatically as Wonwoo hisses at him, his head snapping round to make sure no one's watching eighteen year old Wen Junhui publicly throw a tantrum in a fast food restaurant.

Wonwoo yawns. The darkening skies outside tell Wonwoo it's getting late and he glances at his wrist watch to find that it's nearing eight PM. "Hyung, look. He said you guys need to talk about it, so there's really no point worrying when nothing's been said," he reasons as Jun listens with his mouth shut in concentration.

"I already know how the 'talk' is going to go. He's gonna say something like: 'oh I'm sorry hyung but I like girls and you have a dick so that's just not gonna work out' and then we'll be awkward forever until I decide to move to some remote island until I'm fourty and when I come back he'll be married to some girl and have like five kids and I'll  _still_ not be over him. Isn't that great?" Wonwoo is chuckling quietly at Jun's words, but he can also feel the bitterness leaking from Jun's voice.

"You don't know that," are the only words Wonwoo can offer as comfort to the older boy.

 

 

There's been a sickly nervous twist in the pit of Jun's stomach since he woke up this morning, and now that he's trailing down the school hall in all his misery, the unsettling feeling gets worse and worse.

He walked past Soonyoung and Jihoon earlier, but purposely went the other way just because he's really not in the mood to pretend he's not  _this_  close to throwing up and it might all just spurt up as a violent fountain of grey. But that's a gross thought, so Jun shoves it aside and carries on walking to first period: chemistry.

Fortunately, Minghao's not in his geography class. Unfortunately, Wonwoo isn't either.

Sighing, he throws off his shoulder bag onto the desk with a heavy slam and slumps into his seat, leaning his head into the softness of his bag and shutting his eyes for barely three seconds before he gets interrupted again.

"Hey," Jihoon and Mingyu take the seats next to him, "I think Minghao was looking for you earlier." This statement catches Jun's attention, who snaps his head up from the desk and blinks at Jihoon.

"Wait, did he say why? Or... I mean, was it urgent?"

Mingyu and Jihoon glance at each other then turn back to Jun, "well not really." Mingyu says carefully as he settles into his seat and starts grabbing his books and stationary out. "He just said: where's Jun hyung?' but he looked kind of distressed so we thought we'd tell you."

Jun nods at his words, and then takes a drink from his water bottle.  _Is he ready to talk about it? Hell, I don't even know if_ I'm _ready. What am I even gonna say?_  He discreetly slips his phone out of his blazer pocket, his finger feeling desperately for the lock button, but seeing that sure enough, there isn't a message.

Sighing deeply, he tucks it away again and brings his focus back to the lesson, or at least tries to. He spends the hour spilling various chemicals and measuring the wrong amounts for their experiment while thinking that he feels a vibrate in his pocket literally every five minutes.

"I swear if you spill that hydrochloric acid one more time I'm gonna spill it down your throat," Jihoon snaps and Mingyu brings his hand to his mouth, giving Jun a jokingly fearful look. Breathing out a chuckle, Jun holds both his hands up in defeat.

"Okay, I'm sorry." He smiles, and this time it might even be for real. Jun's glad he's got the guys with him all the time. Even though he wants more than anything than to be left alone sometimes, his friends help him get through each and every day.

Jihoon gives him a disgusted look, "what's that disturbingly sentimental look you've got on your face?"

Bursting into a proper chuckle, Jun retorts with, "get off your man period already," and Mingyu cheers in the background, his eyes sparkling in amusement and the corners of his lips curving up.

"Hyung that's so offensive to girls who actually have to deal with periods," Mingyu adds afterwards as he goes to grab some paper towels to wipe up the spilt acid.

Jun's too distracted to reply, because Jihoon's giving him a death glare but Jun is doing everything to suppress his laughter because Jihoon is just so  _short_  but his face is so serious and he knows he's gonna die if he lets his laughter slip. Too late.

"I'm gonna kill you!"

 

 

For once, Jun's body isn't stiff and tired whe he walks out of chemistry with Jihoon and Mingyu. Almost immediately, the three of them spot Wonwoo, Jisoo, Jeonghan and Minghao crowded by the vending machine.

Jun's heart squeezes and leaps with every step he takes. "Hey guys," he greets as they approach the other four. His eyes immediately find Minghao's and he internally punches himself for being an idiot.

Jisoo and Jeonghan are sharing a can of lemonade and loitering against the wall, Wonwoo's standing on the right side of Jisoo and playing on his phone- well, he's putting it away now because his attention's obviously been stolen by a grinning Mingyu instead. And finally, Minghao's shuffled up next to Jeonghan, and Jun maneuvers himself into a space next to Minghao.

He sends the younger boy a questioning look, hoping that he'll catch his words without needing to hear them. Unfortunately, Minghao just looks away. And honestly, Jun knows that Minghao knows exactly what Jun's asking, because that's just one of the advantages of being best friends with someone their whole life.

Biting his lip in frustration, Jun turns away. He's not going to pressure the boy to give him an answer if he doesn't have one yet. But with every passing moment, the space between grows larger and larger and the awkwardness hits a new peak. There's quick glances, one looking when the other has looked away and it goes on for a painful five minutes.

"What's up with you two?" Wonwoo's deep voice cuts between the pair, and Jun looks up with frantic eyes because, what the hell is Wonwoo doing? He knows exactly what's up!

Minghao's large eyes finally settle on Jun as if relying on him to give an excuse, but Jun refuses to. The younger boy has to face the music at some point, and yes, Jun is aware that this whole crazy situation is all because of him and Minghao has every right to blame and ignore Jun but no, Wen Junhui wants an answer this time.

"We're..." Minghao begins when he realises Jun isn't about to say anything. Wonwoo raises an eyebrow. "We're fine, I don't know what you're talking about."

Wonwoo shrugs innocently, "well you two have barely said a word to each other this whole break." The others all nod in agreement and Minghao internally groans. "And that's seriously weird because you guys are super close, right?"

Honestly, Jun doesn't know whether to thank or slap Wonwoo for doing this. Yes the awkwardness has to be broken, but is it worth being interrogated under such unpleasant and suffocating circumstances?

When neither of the two say anything, Wonwoo speaks up again. "Well as long as you two are fine. I was just wondering after all."

"We're goo-" And Minghao doesn't finish because Jun is tugging on his hand harshly and the next thing he knows, he's being thrown into the storage room and Jun is slamming the door behind them.

"Hey what the hell!" Minghao almost full on yells at his best friend, and Jun pushes the younger boy against a shelf to one, grab his attention and two, shut him up. 

"I couldn't stand it out there. You ignoring me but pretending everything's okay. It's suffocating, I couldn't breathe." Jun's words come rushing out before he lets them, and he mentally curses for not being able to play it cool and hold it in.

Minghao looks shocked for a second, then scoffs. "What, and you can breathe in this tiny dusty place?"

It honestly is just a small storage area with just a couple of worn down wooden shelves littered with old paint buckets and various tools. The white paint on the wall is peeling and the ceiling is ridiculously low. And with the pair crammed in here, there really is almost no breathing space.

"I can _breathe_ when you tell me the answers I need to hear," Jun replies through gritted teeth feeling an anger simmer through him. Minghao's being stubborn, and Jun's desperate to unwind the strings around his heart because every passing moment he spends waiting for a reply makes him want to burst into flames and ashes.

Minghao leans back into a shelf, backing away from Jun just slightly. "I don't know what you want to hear," he grumbles, refusing to look the older boy in the eyes. They descend into silence as Jun studies him silently, breathing in the scent of solvents and dust.

"What I want to hear, is your reaction to me telling you that I'm in love with you!" Jun yells suddenly, causing Minghao to jerk upright, his head snapping at the door as he considers whether people from outside can hear their conversation.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?!" Minghao splutters in reply, even louder than Jun. "You're the one who suddenly kissed me, and in  _public_  as well, you have no idea how confused I am as to how I should react!"

There's an uneasy heat building up in the confined room, as well as through the boys' pumping veins and flushing up to their faces in anger. "You're being such an immature dickhead," Jun snaps back, pushing Minghao harsh against the wooden shelf he's leaning back against. A couple of paint tins and other tools fall to the floor with a noisy clatter at the sudden force. "There isn't a way you  _should_  react, there's just the way that you are reacting right now, and by the looks of it, I shouldn't have ever told you how I felt."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," Minghao spits back coldly. Jun feels his fists curl up in a violent rage,  _how could he even say that?_  Glaring intensely at the younger boy, Jun takes several deep breaths to stop himself from throwing a punch at his best friend. "What, you wanna punch me?" Minghao's smug voice heightens the violent impulse inside of Jun, and without thinking, he slams his fist into Minghao's jaw with unrestrained strength.

Minghao's whole body crashes onto the dirty floor, and he's hissing in pain with tears welling in his eyes. He's gripping his left jaw and there's blood leaking from his lips as he stares up at Jun, who's still trembling and his chest is heaving up and down.

"Okay," Minghao breathes out weakly as he sits up and sets his back against a wall this time. "I deserved that," he continues, wiping the blood from his lip with the harsh swipe of a thumb. "Still fucking hurt though."

Jun looks down at the bleeding boy and his lips curl inward with guilt. "Sorry," he mumbles, his voice just above a whisper as his initial anger simmers down.

"Don't be." Minghao replies softly. "You want my answer? Fine, but I need to ask you another question first." Jun nods and sits down cross legged across from Minghao, not minding the dirt and grit on the floor because his mind is too preoccupied with thinking that he knows where this is going.

Clearing his throat, Minghao lowers his head just slightly. "So you know Seungcheol's birthday party from quite a while ago?"

"Mmm." Jun knows exactly what Minghao's going to ask.

Minghao keeps clearing his throat unnaturally, like he's nervous, and Jun can't help but find it cute.

"Soonyoung took me home, but... you were there too right?" Minghao's eyes are finally brave enough to make direct contact with Jun's and if Jun didn't know better, he would've thought that the shaking look in his eyes resembled hope. 

He nods silently as an answer. Minghao breathes in deeply as he mentally digests the information. "Did you already know that?" Jun asks in return, his voice quiet.

"No!" Minghao exclaims, "I mean, I wasn't sure, I was convinced that it was just another crazy dream but then you confessed to me so I thought maybe-"

Wait." Jun cuts the younger boy off suddenly,  _did I hear that right?_ "You said 'just another crazy dream', does that mean..." Jun's voice trails off shakily in fear of being wrong and having read too much into things (as usual). But the way Minghao's face turns an anxious white encourages Jun to go on. "You have... dreams similar to what happened?"

Minghao's mouth stretches open and then closes multiple times, like he's struggling to form words with his tongue. By this time, Jun already thinks he knows the answer. But he wants to hear Minghao say it. "I- That- Don't all guys our age have these kind of dreams?"

"But I mean, dreams about guys, about... _me_ ," Jun feels truly shy at this point, and it's rather foreign to him, but he just  _needs_  to know. After all, there's really no point in being embarrassed after everything that's happened. And besides, Minghao's his best friend, Jun should be able to say anything.

Once again, Minghao does the flappy mouth thing and Jun's insides flip over and over in anticipation. "That- M-Maybe..." He stutters out, a scarlet hue staining his cheeks.

"Wait,  _what_? Why didn't you tell me?!" Jun exclaims, almost not letting the boy finish. "I mean, since when?"

Minghao swallows, "W-Well what was I supposed to say? How could I just say, 'hey hyung I had a dream I had your tongue in my mouth, let's try it out for real'?" Jun blushes. The younger boy lets his head fall into his knees from the crippling embarrassment.

"That would've worked though," Jun mutters as he adjusts himself on the floor. He's been in the same position for over five minutes and it aches. His hands are dry and gravelly from the floor. "So you kissed me that night thinking it was a dream?" Minghao nods. "And you... liked... it...?" Jun guesses with uncertainty.

Minghao gives him another simple honest nod without looking up; his fingers are drawing shapes on the grimy ground.

Bravely, Jun shuffles slowly over to Minghao who's still refusing to meet his eyes. It's almost as if Minghao  _physically_  can't look at Jun because the embarrassment might just kill him. "Minghao," he begins softly, now positioned next to the boy with a concerned expression on his face. "Look at me," Jun faces Minghao, urging the boy to do the same.

"I can't," Minghao wails, "I'm embarrassed to death right now," he clutches his legs and curls into a protective ball. A short silence passes, before Jun hears Minghao's voice muffled against his uniform. "Since when?" Is all Jun manages to catch.

"I can't hear you properly, Minghao. What are you talking about?" Jun questions, voice still gentle as if he doesn't want to scare the boy away.

Minghao lifts his mouth from his knees, "since when have you had feelings for me?" He's still facing away from the older boy.

 "I'll tell you if you look at me," Jun offers with a smile that's almost mischevious. Minghao is frozen for a couple of seconds, before finally giving in and turning his head just slightly so that Jun's face is in his peripheral vision. "Properly, Minghao," Jun orders as he leans his own head closer to Minghao's. The younger boy chews on his lip nervously and then snaps his head round in an irritated manner.

"Since when?" Minghao repeats with impatience.

"Since forever," Jun replies without hesitation. He grins wider when he catches Minghao rolling his eyes at the cheesy answer. "It's true though!" Jun insists, seeming almost offended that Minghao doesn't believe him.

The skeptical look on Minghao's face doesn't leave, "uh, that makes no sense. Forever isn't a valid answer, it's just something cringey that male protagonists say in shoujo manga, and you're not one of those so please stop."

"I mean it!" Jun repeats a little louder, as the cramped room fills up with his soft laughter. "Seriously... Minghao," he makes sure to look his best friend in the eye, "every day I fall for you more and more, but when I try to think back to what it was like before, it seems like it's always been this way... I've always been painfully hiding this secret to protect our friendship." His voice falls from its cheery tone to a wobbly mess as he feels a hot blur brimming in his eyes.

Minghao's wide eyes are unmoving and Jun squirms in discomfort. "Fine, I believe you." He mutters, trying to hide the fact that his heart's beating a million miles per hour right now. "It's still really cheesy though."

Jun smiles at this, wipes at his eyes and then reaches over to brush his thumb against the blood at the corner of Minghao's lips. The contact makes Minghao flinch just slightly, but he doesn't seem to mind. It spreads unfamiliar tingles through every fragment of his body. When Jun removes his hand, it goes a little quieter again, "you know, I'm still waiting for that answer..." He mumbles. 

"I know that," Minghao whispers back and it all falls back into a tense silence again. This time, it's Jun who's looking away, because he figures it's probably easier for Minghao to say whatever he's about to say if Jun's not staring into his eyes with anticipation.

Jun's still waiting for a reply, he's so impatient that even a single word would be enough, when he feels the softest touch against the tip of his pinkie finger. He immediately stares down at his hand where it's laying flat on the ground and sees that Minghao's slender fingers are gingerly sliding over his own. A warmth buzzes in his hand as Minghao grasps it and Jun can't help but wonder if he's dreaming.

"I like being with you," Minghao breathes out unsteadily, "I like kissing you, and I guess I like holding your hand too." When Jun finally looks up, he finds Minghao staring ahead and away from him again. "So I think you know what that means right?" Jun's about to tell the boy to face him again, when Minghao drops his head onto Jun's shoulder instead. Smiling instinctively, Jun decides he likes the feeling of Minghao's weight leaning against him. 

Jun grins with certainty and then sits up so that Minghao falls from his shoulder. With his free hand, Jun cups the younger boy's face and kisses him softly. They're still gripping eachother's hands tightly, but Jun feels Minghao's other hand grabbing at his neck for support. Their lips are passionate but innocent, pressing and pulling against eachother patiently as if time has stopped and they finally have forever.

When Jun finally pulls away, Minghao brings the back of his hand up to hide his red lips and face. Jun gives Minghao the brightest smile, full of promise and love. "I can't believe this is happening," he gushes, dizzy from both bliss and disbelief.

"Well you better believe it, cause there's no way I'm confessing to you with crazy cheesy lines like you did to me," Minghao mumbles as he pretends to shudder.

Jun's too elated to retaliate, he simply stands up and extends his hand to Minghao. "Let's go," he smiles like an angel leading a man up to heaven.

"To where?" Minghao asks as he gets up and brushes off the dust, "third period?"

"No, Minghao. To our first date," Jun answers with a shining grin just as Minghao takes his hand and laces their fingers together.

Minghao suppresses a smile and instead sneers jokingly, "you're such an idiot."

Jun is peering out the door in case of any teachers roaming around, and clearly there aren't any because he whips the door open and looks over his shoulder to Minghao with a grin, "you're an idiot too."

"I guess that's why we're so good together," Minghao replies, attempting to sound casual as he shrugs even though there's yet another uncontrollable blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Jun leads Minghao by the hand down the empty corridor, swinging their arms blissfully. "Well I'm glad you finally know it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for readingg:)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah this is on aff too as usual


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